My Second Conscious

There are many expectations I had when I found out I was a mother, but one aspect of motherhood I did not expect was how often my children bring me to my knees. I'm not talking about falling to my knees because of parental failings (which happen often I assure you), but more because my children convict me every single day. Especially these days.

Peanut has entered the "imitation" phase of childhood. You know, the one where he likes to copy everything I do and (at least attempt) to repeat everything I say?  Yeah, that one. Anyways, I found out he had entered this phase the other day after I had a kids movie playing on the television. An innocent children's movie that I put on while trying to get him to drink some pediasure. In one scene in this movie, a male character becomes angry and starts yelling and throwing his fist in the air. After I turned the film off, my 22 month old son went around for a good half hour yelling and throwing his fist up in the air. Wow. The other day I dropped something and let the S-H word slip from my lips and my son promptly said it right after me (this is the kid who says all of 4 words). Great. And then there was me yelling at my husband from our living room to bring me a diaper in a somewhat annoyed tone. Peanut, sitting right next to me, yells and points his finger in the direction of his father.

Having a two year old who imitates things is like having a spiritual mirror to look into every day. I no longer have to make a long examination of conscious before confession because my son is always reminding me of how I fail everyday when he imitates actions that are obviously not virtuous. When people tell you they are like little sponges, this is no exaggeration. I will no longer ever use the excuse,  "oh, it doesn't matter he is too young to understand" when watching a movie or listening to something I maybe shouldn't. Furthermore, this has me thinking, if I don't like Peanut to imitate this action, should I really be doing it or watching it in the first place? Society today has this crazy mentality that you have to be a certain age of "maturity" to sin. Take PG-13 movies for instance; all this is really saying is that society thinks that 13 is a decent age to introduce your kids to sex, violence and cussing. But should any of us really be watching these sort of things? 

I think everyone needs a little toddler to follow them around and imitate their every action. Surely people would act better. As for me, I will be forever grateful to my son for opening my eyes to the things I need to change about myself. This little tiny child makes me a better person everyday. Now that's humbling...

We're Back!

Thank God. Vegas is as bad as ever; I still don't like that city and really have no plans to go back in the future. My husband and I both agreed that if our son was even a little older we could never bring him there. I have seen a lot in my days and Vegas can still shock me and make my heart sink with the deep rooted sin and objectification of women. Some of the most notable signs that show one just how bad this city is:

A sign that said, "Surrender" with the S shaped like a snake with an apple in it.
A sign that read, "Seven deadly sins? We demand a recount."
And my absolute favorite, a sign for "Tao Nightclub" that read, "Worship Thursdays. The way the Vegas Industry Prays" with a picture of a half naked woman on it.

I realize as I write these that many people write them off as, "Oh it's just Vegas. That's just the 'culture' there". And to be completely honest, in the few days I was there, I became numb to it as well. The naked women and awful signs became 'normal' and just a part of my daily life there. The sickening affect they had on me the first day quickly left, and the wight on my conscious for even looking at the massive signs was severely lessoned. How sad. How quickly we can become accustomed and comfortable with sin when it surrounds us. But doesn't it surround us everyday? Granted, not as "in your face" as it is in Vegas, but really it's everywhere. And maybe I have become numb to it. Numb and used to the sex scenes in movies, to the homosexual relationships in almost every television show, to the tons of people I know who live a lifestyle of sin, and worst of all to my own sins of selfishness, pride and sloth. The sad and sometimes scary thing is that although I may be used to these sins, although they are normal to me, they are not to God. They are as shocking and as displeasing to Christ as they were at the beginning of time. My life and my sins are probably just a mini-Vegas to Him.

All of this has come down to one simple resolution: to beg Our Lord for a more sensitive conscious. One that is shocked and displeased with the slightest of sins and one that is being constantly formed into something that is pleasing to Him.

Sin City

My husband, kids and I are going to Las Vegas next week. My husband has a business trip that I decided to tag along on. While most people these days would be thrilled to go to Vegas, I am not so much. Although I am excited to show Peanut the water display at the Bellagio and the animals at Circus Circus, I cannot help but thinking how much this city must displease our Lord. This is a city where men and women gather to drink in excessive amounts and spend imprudent amounts of money on gambling. This is a city where women sell their bodies, legally might I add, for a cheap price and men sell their souls to their lustful sins. In all honesty it makes me physically sick to think of the souls lost in this place and all the evil that goes on there. There is a big reason they call it sin city. I feel as if I am entering some sort of spiritual warfare, not going on vacation. Why do people, Christians in particular, find this place so alluring? Aren't we supposed to stay away from temptations?

Our Lord, as always, is taking care of me through this vacation. Firstly, my in laws have decided to join us which keeps me from having to stay in a hotel by myself all day. Secondly, our Lord has blessed my family with the means to be able to go to this place together. I for one don't want my husband walking around a city that routinely shoves pictures of naked women in your hands. I assure you my husband is a very noble and chaste man, but I don't care how virtuous a man might be, Las Vegas is not the place to go alone. I'm taking my rosary and holy water and plan on dousing the place with it. Maybe it will just melt away...

So, my friends, please pray that my family and I will have an enjoyable time on this vacation next week. More importantly, please pray that we may all stay far away from anything displeasing to our Lord.  

Lost Stages

My main purpose in my day to day life is to serve God by teaching my children. It amazes me, though, how often they teach me. Peanut has always been interested in the world. From the moment he came out of the womb he has been attentive and alert, taking in everything around him. I love to watch him discover the world. Throughout his short life he has gone through many stages where he is interested in different things. First it was airplanes, then birds, then dogs, monkeys, horses, lawn mowing, and bugs. When I say "interested" what I really mean is obsessed. When he was interested in birds, he would literally spend all day looking out the window, watching and waiting for the birds to come and go. I spent many hours with him, explaining what the birds were doing, who made the birds and so forth. The funny thing is, I never got bored watching the birds or looking at pictures of monkeys or even showing him the lawn mower man for the thousandth time. I found and continue to find joy in discovering the world with my son.

I'm always sad when a stage passes. Now Peanut passes by birds without a second look. They have become something normal and routine that no longer catches his tiny eye. Yet, they are the same birds he once spent hours marveling at. So Peanut has me thinking, have I become this way with God? How many times a day do I pass Him in His glory, in His creation, without a second look? When I was discovering my faith I spent hours marveling at Him, seeking Him and waiting for His reply. Now, as a mother, I must learn to rediscover Him in the everyday things and remember to seek Him out when I am frustrated, tired and lonesome. This has been my greatest struggle in my faith lately. I never imagined my children would help me in my faith journey so incredibly much. I understand more and more each day the verse "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."  I hope to become more like my son, to find amazement in the seemingly small things in life. And I hope that Christ never becomes a lost stage, or a passing interest for myself or my children. 

You Know Your Kid Is Catholic When

I recently bought Peanut a toilet training potty. Not necessarily because he is ready to be trained, but just to get him used to the idea of sitting on the potty. Brilliant me decided to actually put him on the potty and see if he would go (secretly wishing I had some prodigy child who would magically train himself after one use). After about 5 minutes of waiting for him to go, I decided to let some warm water flow on his legs to stimulate him to go. I took a cup of water and let it flow on his thigh into the training potty and waited. Peanut, with a curious look on his face, looks at the water, then at me, then at the water again. I could tell his brain was working. He then reached between his tiny legs into the water and brought his hand up to make a very reverent Sign of the Cross. I guess you know your kid is Catholic when he thinks his training potty is a holy water font. Maybe he is further away from understanding the whole potty training concept than I thought.

Having a Bad Day?

"If God sends you many sufferings, it is a sign that He has great plans for you and certainly wants to make you a saint. If you desire to become a great saint, ask Him to send you much suffering. To enkindles the fire of divine love, the best wood is that of the cross, which Our Lord used for His great sacrifice of love."

-St. Ignatius Loyola

Natural Family Planning Rocks: Part II

Natural Family Planning Rocks: Part I


*Please note that many of these examples used in this entry came from Dr. Janet Smith in her CD "Contraception: Why Not?" 

Of my many passions, natural family planning has got to be near the top of the list. I love telling people about it and am always advocating that people give it a try. Before I tell you why, I should state that I believe NFP should only be used to avoid pregnancy for grave reasons such as not being able to afford a child, rather than because you want to drive an Escalade and live in a 5,000 square foot home. That being said, here are the reasons why NFP rocks:

Communication Between Partners: How often do you think people who are using artificial contraception have to talk about expanding their family? I figure maybe once every few months at the most. In fact, I would say that for most couples it is more like a few times a year. Couples who use NFP, however, HAVE to talk about it at least  once a month, if not more often. They are in constant discernment about whether God wants more children for them in this part of their lives and must make a decision to either be apart during a women's fertile time or come together and have more children.

Communications with God: A faithful Christian couple who uses NFP must also always be in communication with our Lord as to what he wants of their family. Because our fertility comes in cycles, the couple must consistently reevaluate God's wants for their family. If the couple is using NFP to avoid pregnancy for a grave reason, they must also pray and discern if these reasons still exist and if God wants them to be open to more children.

Same as Birth Control?: Some people say that NFP is the same as birth control because both are used to avoid pregnancy. I will say that NFP, when used to avoid pregnancy for reasons that are not grave, can be used with a birth control mentality. However, to say two things are the same because they share a common end would be like saying shooting your grandma in the head is the same as letting her die naturally. In both cases you end up with a dead woman, but the way she got there matters. In one case we are cooperating and working with the way God made us, and in the other we are using unnatural and sinful methods to achieve the same end.

Respect of the Women's Body and Growth in Virtue: Unlike artificial contraception, NFP involves both people in the relationship. It isn't a woman taking a pill every day filling her body with unnatural hormones. I find it funny that in a society full of nature crazy feminists, not a one has a problem filling their bodies with artificial hormones to stop an otherwise completely natural process. They have no problem with a woman taking contraception so that she can essentially be used for her body.  When a couple chooses to use NFP the man is forced to respect the woman's body and fertility, because it is not always available to him 24/7 as it is if she were using artificial contraception. Furthermore, NFP trains both the man and women in the virtue of self-control when the couple must abstain. Contraception, on the other hand, sets marriage up for infidelity by telling the man that he can have any woman any time without the consequence of pregnancy. How many men do you think would cheat on their wives if there was no form of contraception and pregnancy was a common consequence of the action? I would guess not many.
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The Honeymoon Effect: Why is it that when we are away from our spouse we tend to miss the marital act the most? Often times a couple who has been apart for some time experiences a sort of "second honeymoon", as if they were newlyweds. Couples using NFP often find they have more exciting and romantic marriages because they can't be with each other all the time. They must abstain and then come back together, thus experiencing this honeymoon effect quite often in their marriage.

Openess to Life: In every sexual act between a husband and wife using NFP, God is welcomed in to use His creative power. Bonding and babies are always kept together and God is never shut out of the marital act. If a couple is avoiding pregnancy, then they are abstaining from sexual relations during the fertile period and therefore abstaining from both babies and bonding.

We as Christians need to prayerfully and willingly discern if we are using our bodies the way God created them to be used. Are we using them for His glory and the growth of our marriage? Or are we using them for our own selfish sexual desires? I hope your marriage can benefit as much as mine has from an openness to life and the gift of Natural Family Planning.