Natural Family Planning Rocks: Part II

Natural Family Planning Rocks: Part I


*Please note that many of these examples used in this entry came from Dr. Janet Smith in her CD "Contraception: Why Not?" 

Of my many passions, natural family planning has got to be near the top of the list. I love telling people about it and am always advocating that people give it a try. Before I tell you why, I should state that I believe NFP should only be used to avoid pregnancy for grave reasons such as not being able to afford a child, rather than because you want to drive an Escalade and live in a 5,000 square foot home. That being said, here are the reasons why NFP rocks:

Communication Between Partners: How often do you think people who are using artificial contraception have to talk about expanding their family? I figure maybe once every few months at the most. In fact, I would say that for most couples it is more like a few times a year. Couples who use NFP, however, HAVE to talk about it at least  once a month, if not more often. They are in constant discernment about whether God wants more children for them in this part of their lives and must make a decision to either be apart during a women's fertile time or come together and have more children.

Communications with God: A faithful Christian couple who uses NFP must also always be in communication with our Lord as to what he wants of their family. Because our fertility comes in cycles, the couple must consistently reevaluate God's wants for their family. If the couple is using NFP to avoid pregnancy for a grave reason, they must also pray and discern if these reasons still exist and if God wants them to be open to more children.

Same as Birth Control?: Some people say that NFP is the same as birth control because both are used to avoid pregnancy. I will say that NFP, when used to avoid pregnancy for reasons that are not grave, can be used with a birth control mentality. However, to say two things are the same because they share a common end would be like saying shooting your grandma in the head is the same as letting her die naturally. In both cases you end up with a dead woman, but the way she got there matters. In one case we are cooperating and working with the way God made us, and in the other we are using unnatural and sinful methods to achieve the same end.

Respect of the Women's Body and Growth in Virtue: Unlike artificial contraception, NFP involves both people in the relationship. It isn't a woman taking a pill every day filling her body with unnatural hormones. I find it funny that in a society full of nature crazy feminists, not a one has a problem filling their bodies with artificial hormones to stop an otherwise completely natural process. They have no problem with a woman taking contraception so that she can essentially be used for her body.  When a couple chooses to use NFP the man is forced to respect the woman's body and fertility, because it is not always available to him 24/7 as it is if she were using artificial contraception. Furthermore, NFP trains both the man and women in the virtue of self-control when the couple must abstain. Contraception, on the other hand, sets marriage up for infidelity by telling the man that he can have any woman any time without the consequence of pregnancy. How many men do you think would cheat on their wives if there was no form of contraception and pregnancy was a common consequence of the action? I would guess not many.
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The Honeymoon Effect: Why is it that when we are away from our spouse we tend to miss the marital act the most? Often times a couple who has been apart for some time experiences a sort of "second honeymoon", as if they were newlyweds. Couples using NFP often find they have more exciting and romantic marriages because they can't be with each other all the time. They must abstain and then come back together, thus experiencing this honeymoon effect quite often in their marriage.

Openess to Life: In every sexual act between a husband and wife using NFP, God is welcomed in to use His creative power. Bonding and babies are always kept together and God is never shut out of the marital act. If a couple is avoiding pregnancy, then they are abstaining from sexual relations during the fertile period and therefore abstaining from both babies and bonding.

We as Christians need to prayerfully and willingly discern if we are using our bodies the way God created them to be used. Are we using them for His glory and the growth of our marriage? Or are we using them for our own selfish sexual desires? I hope your marriage can benefit as much as mine has from an openness to life and the gift of Natural Family Planning.

Natural Family Planning Rocks: Part 1

Natural Family Planning Rocks: Part II

My husband and I took NFP classes before we were married, and although we have never had to use NFP to avoid pregnancy, we have used it to achieve pregnancy and are both very knowledgeable about the subject. I get questions all the time about NFP so I decided to write about it. This is part one of a two part post. In this first part, I would like to share my feelings about the use of artificial contraceptives in marriage and then in the second post, I want to share why NFP is so great and why it's not the same as birth control. I probably won't do this justice but here is goes...

God and Sex: God made sex, plain and simple. He made it for one man and one woman and he made it for two purposes: bonding and babies. The man and the woman come together to form the strongest bond in this world and God comes in with His creative power as a sign of the two people's love for one another (just like in the Trinity). You can't separate bonding and babies because God put them together. When a man and a woman bring contraception into their marriage they are essentially saying, "we want to bond and come together as man and wife, but we don't want to allow you (God) to work in this act". Furthermore, the marital union is supposed to be a full and selfless giving of oneself to their spouse. How can one give them self fully and withhold their fertility at the same time? It's not possible. A couple using contraception is essentially saying, "I love all of you, except your fertility" or "I want to give myself completely to you, but not my fertility."

The Pill and Our Fertility: Think about this: the use of the pill (or any chemical contraceptive for that matter) is the only time a woman will take a pill when she isn't sick. In fact, she is taking a pill to stop something that is working correctly! I once heard an analogy relating the use of contraception to bulimia. Bulimics throw up their food after eating to keep themselves from gaining weight; a natural occurrence from eating food. No one would ever say this is a good action to take after eating. So too, couples who use birth control stop a natural consequence of an action from occurring. Pregnancy doesn't mean something went wrong, it means something went right. It means that our bodies are working just as they ought to. Our fertility is an awesome gift from God, not something that we should suppress and damage through the use of contraceptives.

What if God isn't done: I know many couples who are "done" having children. My thought on this is always, sure you may be done, but what if God wasn't/isn't? Many of these same couples have been sterilized, thus closing themselves off forever to another child. I realize that at certain points in life it is prudent to avoid pregnancy, but to say no to more children forever seems extreme. How can one possibly know that in future months or years, Christ wouldn't have wanted a couple to have more children? Of course all the couples I know who have been sterilized would say that their family is "complete". To them I would say this: picture your family without one of your children. Would it be complete to you? How can we be sure our family is complete in God's eyes if we have shut Him out of that part of our lives. Completion of one's family is for God to decide, not for us.  As long as we are fertile, we must be in constant discernment as to what Christ wants for us as parents and for the expansion of our family.

I will end with these questions: Who is planning your family?  Is it God or you? Can we really claim to be Christian and close ourselves off to God's greatest and most miraculous gift? God the Almighty allows us as Christians to share in His creation; to bring forth souls into the world for His glory. This is a responsibility and a gift we cannot take lightly.


Part II to come.

The Perfect Family?

Since the birth of Miss Belle, we have gotten many comments on how great it must be to have one boy and one girl. Apparently a family of four with children being of opposite gender is considered "the perfect family" to people in society today. Oh! And the fact that our boy is older than our girl? Well, that is just icing on the cake. Surely we don't want anymore, surely we are "done!"

I have been thoroughly amazed how many people in our politically correct society today think it is just fine to discuss and comment on my husband's and my love life and plans for children in the future. A couple of weeks ago we took the kids into my husband's work to show off the new addition. A man I never have met or been introduced to looks at our family and very bluntly states, "Ok you have a boy and a girl. You have two. You're done. No more now, you're done." Or the woman at mass who commented on how close our children were in age but then went on to say, "When I think of all the aborted babies out there, I'm happy to see a baby. But that doesn't mean you need to go and have another one in a year." Not to mention all the small grocery store comments about how we must have our hands full and how happy we must be that we got one of each sex. I knew people made comments like this before I even had kids, because I know quiet a few large families who get them all the time. But that's just it...they are LARGE families...not families with TWO kids (FYI I'm not saying these comments are appropriate for large families either, I just didn't expect to get any until at least three or four children were tailing behind me).

Why is it that everyone finds a baby to be the most joyous thing in the world and then tells you not to have anymore? Everyone smiles at babies, wants to hug, smell and kiss them all over. There is something about a tiny warm body curled against yours that brings a peace to the soul that is beyond this world, and yet society says two is the max. Two is enough joy, no more. This baffles me. Someday I'll find a good response to comments, I just assumed I had more time. But in case you are curious, here is our plan for the world to know: we take children as God gives them, not at our convenience. Maybe I could just type that up on a card and hand it out to people who think we should be "done".

Let The Questions Begin

At my last midwife appointment I was asked the question every woman gets asked at the end of her pregnancy: "What kind of birth control are you going to use after this baby is born?" I despise this question. It grates on my every nerve. Doctors today present it as if there is no other option besides going on birth control after having a baby. And to top it all off, they ask it at every appointment from 36 weeks on and then 15 different times while you are in the hospital (this is no exageration). My answer is always they same, "We don't use birth control, we use Natural Family Planning." Doctors and midwives usually seem satisfied with this answer, but I am not.

I hate the fact that Natural Family Planning (which is not the "rhythm" method BTW) is grouped into the contraception category. True, some people use NFP as a contraception, but this is not the way it is supposed to be used. It is meant to be used to avoid pregnancy if, and only if, the couple has a moral, valid reason set by the church to avoid pregnancy, such as financially not being able to take care of another child or endangerment to the mother's health etc. Why is it automatically assumed in today's society that a woman has to get on birth control the second she gives birth? I understand women need time to heal and get used to this new life, but nature knows that and usually gives many months before a woman is even able to get pregnant again. Why can't doctors present the question as an option rather than a fact? I have never been asked, "are you going to use birth control", or "would you like to hear about birth control options", it's always "what kind of birth control are you going to use?" When I was about to have an emergency c-section with my son, I was asked 3 different times if I wanted my tubes tied during the procedure. Umm...excuse me?!? Not only was I only in my early 20's with my FIRST child, but I had just been told that my baby might die if we didn't do this quickly and that I was going to be cut open. Do you think I really could have made a good judgement at that time about having my tubes tied?!

I guess all these questions are just another testimony to the anti-life society we live in today. Which is why I need a better answer to these questions that are asked of me. I don't want to answer with, "I'm Catholic, I don't use birth control", because I don't want it to seem that the only reason I don't use birth control is because I'm Catholic. I do agree with the Church's teaching on the subject, but I believe Catholics and non-Catholics shouldn't use birth control for many many reasons I will post on another day. But for now, I need prayers and guidance as to how to respond to this common questions in an effective and charitable way. Any suggestions?