Monday, January 22, 2018

The Things They Say (14)

From the backseat of the car:
#1: "#3 what do you think marriage is all about anyways?"
#3: "Well we kiss on the lips a lot, then I put a ring on him and he puts a ring on me and then...well...what do I need to ask my husband to do?"

A neighborhood boy was interrogating #1 about homeschooling and meanly stated, "Your mom is no better than my teacher!" #1 replied, "Well then your teacher must be pretty great!"

#3: I'm not even going to say the 'S' word! Because I don't know the 'S' word.

#1 Pointing to where his back hurt: "Well...I was shot right there with an air soft gun. Except it was a little higher up and on the other side..."

Saturday, January 20, 2018

3 Years Old for #4

Dear #4,

Today you are three years old. While you are still little, something about three seems so big. I know you are no longer a baby in any way, but turning into a sweet little girl. Your personality shines a little brighter every day. You have both a strong spirit and a very sensitive one. You stand your ground for what you want, but if we say no firmly, you ball your eyes out. Sometimes it's a hard thing to balance. Tonight when we sang you "Happy Birthday" you were smiling in your chair, then suddenly you got up and started running away crying saying, "I don't want this song!!!" You kept running all the way to the hallway with big crocodile tears rolling down your cheeks. I guess being the fourth child, you aren't used to THAT kind of attention. Maybe it was to much for you. It makes for a very cute and funny memory.

 You have an incredible imagination. Anything can turn to pretend play quickly in your world and you are actually really good at playing by yourself. Your bed can be a ship, the coffee table a house and a chair turns into a bus ride. It's incredibly fun to watch you play. Most of the time you like to play with your baby dolls. You carry them all around the house, feeding them, wrapping them up in blankets, kissing them and sometimes putting them in time out. #2 and #3 often play "mom" or "honey" (as you call it) with you. They make you be the newborn baby who cries and needs help with things. As you get bigger, this gets more entertaining to watch as they try and cradle carry your three year old body around like a newborn. You don't seem to mind though, as long as someone is playing with you.

You love #1. You two share some kind of special bond. #1 really needed a sister who thinks the world of him and your love has been such a gift to him. You let him comfort and hold you almost as easily as you let mommy do it. In fact, sometimes you prefer him over me. In the mornings you love to go in his room, climb into bed with him and say, "nuggle me tames". I hope this relationship flourishes and stays as beautiful as it is now as your grow older.

You love to be read to. You are perfectly content to just sit on my lap and listen to stories for long lengths of time. While you are definitely growing more independent, at three years old you are still very attached to me. As long as mommy or daddy is at your side, you are perfectly comfortable talking to complete strangers when we are out. In fact, sometimes I have to stop you from talking when you have gone on and on for a while and we need to go. You love to tell people about your day, say hello and give random compliments. I know you are totally your own person, but in some ways you are a little bit of James, Belle and Jules all combined. Those three love you to death and probably spoil you more than they should. If you are crying, they are all trying to figure out how to make you better. And if you are being goofy, they think the whole world should be watching and laughing too.

You are such a joy to this family and a joy to this world. I am soaking up these moments of your littleness because I know they will not last much longer. I know with everything in me that you will grow to be a bright light in this dark world. I love you Sarah, and am so proud to be your mommy.

Monday, January 8, 2018

10 Years

Ten years ago I did something that everyone thought was crazy. I got married. I hadn't finished college and was a very newly 20 years old. Most people thought we should wait to get married. Wait to finish school. Wait till you have good careers. Wait for more money. Wait till you have traveled. Wait, wait, wait. Looking back it had to have been pure grace that kept me moving towards an altar instead of a diploma. I look back on my 20 year old self and remember how excited I was to start my vocation. I could have never imagined what the last ten years have held. But even back then, I knew marriage would be hard at times, and that no matter how hard it was, marriage was for keeps. Somehow this base understanding, coupled with my naivete regarding exactly how full of life the next decade would be, did me well. I was able to jump headfirst into marriage, without ever looking back.

In the past ten years Max and I have had 4 beautiful babies. Two of these babies came into the world with only the two of us present. We have moved 6 times and lived in 7 different places we called home. We have been up countless times together with sick children. We have spent so many nights talking till midnight trying to solve the world's, and our own, problems. We have said way too many goodbyes to friends we love and made amazing new friends along the way. We have survived my traumatic brain blood clot and the four month recovery afterwards. We have prayed and cried and accepted how that day completely changed how our future might look. We have remodeled a house and learned to raise chickens. We have watched Max's father suffer with cancer and draw his last breath. I have held him in his pain and he has held me in mine. We have seen really dark days where the joy in marriage seems like a thing of the past. We have been blessed with abundant grace to always forgive, never hold grudges and plow through till the sun shines once more. No, I didn't know that life would hold all of this ten years ago, but I know God placed me on the path of His will.

The night before our ten year anniversary I was reflecting on our marriage and something came to my mind. In the entirety of our marriage, Max has never once said an accusatory phrase to me. He has never said, "You're so fill in the blank" or "You always..." Those words have never come out of his mouth unless they are followed by something positive. How many women can say that? I wish I could say this went both ways, but I have sadly accused Max of being very many things in our marriage. Thankfully, he is a very forgiving man.

The last ten years have held life and death and fear and trust. They have held so much pain and so much joy. I couldn't imagine sharing it all with anyone besides Max and I look forward to the next decades we spend together. May God give me the grace to be the wife He calls me to be. And may Max have patience while I try and get there.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

#2 Turns 7

Most days it feels like you are 12, not 7. Yet, when I look back through the years, they have gone by so quickly that I wonder how you are 7 already. This year you have matured beyond belief. Like when you were two, you still prefer me to anyone in the world, but you have grown in confidence and self-knowledge this year and it is amazing to watch. You are still a quiet child. When I take you somewhere by myself, you prefer to sit with your own thoughts rather than carry on a conversation. The things you do talk about are questions you have already mulled over in your mind for quite sometime.

You are a constant help with your two younger sisters. Helping them and teaching them comes so naturally to you. You have made great friends this year and like nothing more than to go play with the neighborhood kids. You actually get frustrated with the few extracurricular activities we do, because you would rather be home playing. You have been working with a friend next door on some gymnastics. What took me three years to accomplish in classes, you have perfected in about five months. You have also started to play the piano and are still enjoying horse back riding. You thrive on positive reinforcement and completely shut down when people get angry or insulting towards you. You love to make people laugh and it has been awesome to watch you learn the best ways to do that (without making potty jokes). You are strong in who you are, but have a sensitive spirit when you feel that someone isn't treating you well. The people you choose to give your heart to, you love with every ounce of your being. 

Every year that goes by I am more impressed by the young lady you are becoming. I am beyond proud of you and feel so blessed to be your mother. I hope that as the years pass, you grow deeper and deeper in love with Christ and that I can help form you into the woman He created you to be. I love you my sweet daughter. 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Jules Bug Turns 4

A few weeks ago you turned 4. I am amazed every day at the little sweetness of your soul. You no longer fit in with the babies; you are definitely a "big girl" now. You follow #1 and #2 down to the woods all the time and try and do everything they are doing. When we homeschool, you sit there with a little book and "write" and complain that "this is sooo hard!" When I sit and read with you (which you would do ALL day if I could) your little mind and imagination open up and you are so quick to observe things and learn all you can. Even at this young age I can see that you will have a tendency towards perfectionism. Sometimes you will draw a beautiful picture, but when I tell you how beautiful it is, you will point out a mistake you made that really bothers you. While perfectionism may be a hardship in things like drawing and school, I'm sure it will help you, in some way, become the woman God has created you to be.

You love St. Therese and Mary are constantly offering "little sacrifices". You shock your father and I with your natural tendencies towards God and the greater good. If there is a toy you want that Sarah wants also, you will say, "I guess I'll make a little sacrifice" and let Sarah play with the toy. You often make little sacrifices for your older siblings too. When we pass graveyards you always say we need to pray and sometimes you randomly want to pray for things that "pop" into your head. The random things you tell me sometimes about God and the things you think about are humbling and amazing. One day in mass you leaned over and said, "Mommy, God is everything and we are nothing. That is what I always think about." Another time you told me, "Mommy, all God wants is for us to love him a lot, pray and make little sacrifices. I know that because He taught me that." Saying things like this and thinking about these things comes so naturally for you and I hope that never stops.

You are still the sweet and quiet calmness of this family. While you don't just sit back and take being bullied by the older children, you are much calmer and less easily upset than anyone in the family. We could all learn a lot from you. You are extremely sensitive and can easily cry if I even speak a harsh word to you. You still love to climb up on my lap and cuddle. I hope that doesn't stop anytime soon.

Jules, you bring so much joy to this family it is hard to put into words. I thank God everyday that you are here. I am so blessed and unworthy to be your mother and I'm sorry for all the times I have failed you. My prayer for you is that you always stay as close to Jesus as you are now. I pray that the world doesn't steel your sweet, sensitive spirit and that you grow to be a Godly woman. Thank you for teaching ME how to love Jesus each and everyday. I love you sweet daughter.


Saturday, January 28, 2017

The Youngest Turns 2

So much changes from year 1 to 2. Over the course of a year you have transformed from a little baby, to a vibrant and strong willed toddler. So much about you reminds me of #2 when she was your age, although you are definitely uniquely your own person. These days you still stay close to Mama. In that way you are still little. You constantly want to sit on my lap, stand next to me and hold my hand. Although at times I act like I want you to go play on your own, I know these times will not last forever and I try to cherish them.

You are talking more and more every day. We are at a stage where I understand most of what you say, but to the outside world it is gibberish. It's like our own secret language. You enjoy playing with your brother and sisters and never let them run you over. You are quick to stand up for yourself and shout if things don't go your way. You do not have a docile spirit, but you are as sweet as they come. You love your daddy almost as much as you love me. When he comes home from work, you shout
for joy and run to hug him. He still considers you a tiny baby and holds you whenever he has the chance. Neither of us are ready for you to grow up.

You are often in the spotlight of our family with your cute dances and silliness. You can make us all laugh, and the more we laugh, the more you act silly. Your siblings enjoy getting you to do things that they find funny for their own entertainment. You love to sing and will often pick up my prayer books and sing to yourself for a good amount of time. Anytime music comes on anywhere you automatically start shaking your hips and dancing around. It's the cutest thing!

You have a naturally sympathetic spirit. If you ever see me cry, you run up to me, say you are sorry and give me a hug. Even though you are strong willed, you are also very sensitive. It's like a combination of #2 and #3. When you do something wrong, all it takes is a strong "No" and you are broken into tears. Your feelings can get hurt very easily by mommy and daddy. You love to take care of baby dolls more than anything and can almost always be seen with one in your arms. They are always getting milk or being strolled and you love them as if they were real.

I have enjoyed beyond belief watching you grow this year. It has been amazing to see your bold and sweet personality come to life. Thank you for always loving me and for all the hugs, kisses and snuggles. You are a great light to this family and I can't wait to see you mature into the young lady God created you to be. I love you my sweet Sarah!


Wednesday, November 2, 2016

The Things They Say (13)

I made my children a very special chocolate waffle breakfast one morning and #1 was staring at how #3 was only eating the whipped cream and strawberries off the top and not the entire waffle. Very firmly he says to her:

"#3, you love those waffles with the wrong kind of love. You only love them for their whipped cream and not for the entire waffle as a whole!"

I didn't know all the stuff we have been telling him about love, purity and the world was actually sinking in, but if you can relate spiritual teachings to your breakfast, I guess that means it is...

My older two forgot to brush their teeth before leaving for co-op while my 3 year old remembered to brush hers. I was teasing the older two about this and said, "Everyone is going to run away from you guys when they smell your dinosaur breath!" Without a second passing #1 says, "Well, at least we still have our good looks!" This kid's humor is the best!
#2 running in from outside: "Mom, I know how to play volleyball! I'm really good!"
Me: "Yay! Now I have someone to play with!"

#2: "Ok! I'm going to go back outside and keep practicing my kick!"

Today I was telling #1 how the real tale of Little Red Riding Hood Ends, "In the real tale, Little Red Riding Hood gets eaten and nobody saves her. It was a tale to teach children not to talk to strangers." 
#1: "Moral of the story is, 'Don't talk to strangers. They may be cannibals!'"