Sunday, February 28, 2010

Who Is That Woman in the Mirror?

I'm sure body image is on nearly every 33 week pregnant mother's mind, including my own. Questions like, "will I be able to lose the baby weight this time?" are constantly running through my head. I look at my young body in the mirror and think, "surely that can't be me!" No, no, I have a flat stomach with no stretch marks. And those hips? Nope, definitely not mine; much too large to be my hips. And why am I growing hair in weird places and getting pimples like a 13 year old? If the cosmetic things that come with pregnancy aren't bad enough, there is always the physical toll on the body that pregnancy brings. Middle of the night leg cramps, pain in places you didn't even know existed, and the shear exhaustion that comes from growing another human being are just a few.

Now, reading all of the above you might guess that I don't like being pregnant. It is actually just the opposite. I love being pregnant. Yes, almost every aspect that comes with pregnancy involves some form of suffering, right up until the end. And yes, it is very difficult to see my once nice, fit body permanently marked with the signs of pregnancy and not quite the same shape it used to be. But through these long 9 months of anxious anticipation of my daughter, there has been one thought that gives me comfort.

Motherhood is the only vocation where one is called to physically give their body as Christ did.

We, as mothers, literally give our bodies for the sake of another as Christ did on the cross. For nine months our bodies become a dwelling place for an innocent life, and we suffer and give till we think we no longer can (or till we think we might literally "pop"). All this is done out of love for this tiny person we have never met. And does it stop after the birth? No. In fact some women would agree with me that it becomes even harder. Your body, already recovering from birth, is trying to stabilize hormones, produce milk, and take care of a brand new baby all on little, and sometimes no, sleep. This for me was, and I'm sure will be this time around as well, overwhelming and seemingly impossible. But, when I put it in the context of sanctification of the soul, and not of worldly things, it becomes so much easier. When I picture myself with my stretch marks, pains, and my awkward body walking next to a man who is bloody, beaten, exhausted and embracing a cross he never deserved, I feel unworthy of such small sufferings. Especially such small sufferings that bring the joy of new life at the end of it all.

So today my resolution is just that: to suffer as Christ did in silence and humility. And I am sure that if things get too tough, our loving Father will send me a Simon.

In His Love,

Friday, February 26, 2010

Jumpin' On the Bandwagon

It is time. For the past year or so, I have been thinking in blogs. My thoughts are literally composed of posts, paragraphs, fonts, texts and all the other little details that go into these things. I have a few close friends who blog, but I wouldn't consider myself an avid blog reader. What made me finally decide to write? Being awake at 6:30am, while everyone else slept, writing blogs in my head pushed me over the edge. And perhaps the thought that maybe God is calling me to write. So, here it goes...

I am a young twenty something year old wife and mother of two. My son is 17 months old and my daughter is due in April. I am a stay at home mom (which is not the same as "unemployed" as so many people like to say). We are devout Catholics and I view my relationship with Christ as the most important thing about me. I am a melancholic, mostly keep to myself and am constantly analyzing and over thinking things. I hope through this blog to somehow sort through the constant flow of thoughts in my head and, if nothing else, to just put them down somewhere! So, my new found friend, let's write.