Inga

I'm not really sure when Inga came into our lives, but now it feels like she is part of our family. Inga is Miss Belle's imaginary friend, although to Miss Belle she is quite real. I don't even know where she came up with that name, but she has been around for months now.

Miss Belle plays with her almost every day. She goes to Inga's apartment. Inga is almost always about to have a baby. Miss Belle ALWAYS needs to help when that is happening. Often, Inga gets sick and can't come out to play. In fact, while Max was away, Inga actually died. Her graveyard was our garden. No matter how much I tried to convince Miss Belle that she probably wasn't dead, Miss Belle wouldn't change her mind. But she continued to play around Inga. After her death, her apartment needed to be taken care of and her baby needed a new mommy. Another friend, Ponga, came to help with the whole situation, but we haven't heard from her in weeks now.

I guess Peanut started to miss Inga too, but he "found" a letter she wrote to Miss Belle. The letter stated that she was actually still alive and was coming to see us all! I can't say that I wasn't just a little bit happy that Miss Belle fell for Peanut's little trick. I actually kind of missed Inga. She is definitely a part of Miss Belle's life that I don't want to forget, which is why I'm writing this.

I bet you can't guess what Inga looks like. It kind of shocked me too, but no joke, one day Miss Belle was looking through a magazine that came in the mail and started shouting excitedly, "This is INGA!!!!" When I looked down at the picture, this is what I saw:

This girl is a little crazy...but I love her to death! 

The Things They Say (10)

Peanut is learning to spell and is constantly sounding things out. He often asks how to spell letters (how do you spell the letter 'L') and I always explain that letters are what we use to spell and they cannot be spelled themselves. One day while riding in the car, Peanut was thinking very hard and said, "Mommy, I know you are lying about not being able to spell letters. I know what the letter 'S' starts with. It starts with an 'E'"

Every morning Max and I say a prayer that mentions keeping a chaste and pure heart. One morning after reciting it, Peanut exclaims, "YEAH! Let's pray that Daddy gets chased by really holy saints!"

Peanut: "Mom? Heaven is like a party for a bunch of dead people, right?!" Yeah, sure kid.

Going to drop food off for a new mommy I was explaining to the kids how they couldn't go into the house because new mommies need lots of rest.
Peanut: "Well, maybe Miss Rachel isn't like you"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Peanut: "Well, maybe when her husband wakes her up she says, HI HONEY!!!!"
Me: "Well, what does your mommy do?"
Peanut: "You're more like, 'I'm sooooo tired!!!!!'"

Kids don't miss a beat...

1...Already!

Wasn't she just born yesterday? 

This birthday has brought the emotions of that day flooding back into my mind. Her birth continues to amaze me, and I continue to process it even a year later. Jules is a sweet, calm little bundle of joy who already gives her heart and love without reserve. Her smile lights up a room and can turn a bad mood around in a flash. She loves her siblings and tries to keep up with them. She has been our earliest walker (10months) and is now practically running. She never really complains unless she REALLY needs something, and just goes about her day perfectly content. The only sadness in this day is that the one other person that was there for her birth will not celebrate her 1st birthday with us this evening. That seems very strange to me and it makes me miss my husband even more, but it is what it is. Surely, when he arrives home she will great him with that huge smile and flying wave like she always has in the past.

Jules, you are pure joy. You bring a peace and calmness to this family that is so needed and I can't imagine life without you. I don't deserve to be your mother and I only hope that I can raise you the way God intended you to be raised. My wish for you, even in your young age, is that Christ is always at the center of your heart and the reason for all you do. I love you my daughter and can't wait to watch you grow.

Love,
Mommy

Time

My husband is gone to a training school for 8 weeks. It's the life of the military and I try not to complain because I have friends who go a year without seeing their husbands. The anxiety of him leaving was worse than actually being alone. I do miss him terribly. The evenings are long and the weekends (all 2 that I have had so far) are longer. Although I miss my husband, I think there is always something to learn in all experiences in life and this time apart is no different. From the moment my husband left, I felt something change in the dynamic between my children and me. It took me several days to figure out why I felt a peace I haven't felt in a long time, and why I was suddenly more patient with my children than I have been in a long time. Then it hit me. Time; for the first time since we moved to this new city I feel like I have time. Time to clean, time to cook, time to exercise, time to play. There are no projects to be finished, guest to have for dinner, shows that must get seen and really no places to go.  I'm not saying I wouldn't want my husband to come walking through the door right now. I'm just saying that him being gone has really shown me how rushed and busy our life has become. Slowing down has allowed me to come closer to the mother I want to be. The mother I dreamed of being before I even got married. And I think that when my husband comes home, we can implement this lesson I've learned for the better of our family.

Somewhere along the path in life, my husband and I started thinking that if we weren't doing something "productive" we were wasting time. How wrong we are, and how sad that we can't sit and play with our children without thinking about what needs to get done. How much better would our life be if we were willing to "waste" time on each other and on our children? Time spent with the ones we love is really never wasted, even if what we are doing at the moment has no immediate end product.

When my children grow up, they won't remember if the house was remodeled or even all the people that come for dinner. But they will remember if their mother and father spent time with them, were patient with them and truly took interest in who they were at any given age. I don't want to look back on my life and see my children as a side note in the life I'm living. I want them to be the life I'm living. For the first time (maybe ever) I have started saying yes to my children. Yes to the park. Yes to a game of checkers. Yes to playing soccer outside. Yes to helping me do the dishes. Yes to cracking the egg in the pan. Yes to all the things that seemed torturous to me before. And you know what? It's better. Somehow the dishes still get done, the laundry still gets folded (mostly) and the kids feel loved. Which is what matters most. If it took Max leaving for 8 weeks to teach our family this invaluable lesson, then all the long days and lonely nights will be worth it.

The Things They Say (9)

This one is short, but I had to write it down before I forgot. The other day Peanut was in a world of his own singing his favorite Christmas song "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". I was listening to his cute voice get louder as the song went on when all of the sudden I heard, "With the Jelly Ghosts proclaim, Christ is born in Bethlehem!!!" Hahahahaha! I just wish I could see that picture in his head: the child Jesus with a bunch of "Jelly Ghosts" creeping around him. By the way, if you are not too familiar with the song, the real lyrics are, "with Angelic Hosts proclaim..."

Turning 5!

Did I mention Peanut turned 5 this month!?!? He is such an amazing young man filled with so much energy and joy. He enjoys nearly every minute of life and is always willing to try new things. When given the option to have a big birthday party with all his friends and a bouncy house to play in, he choose this instead:

He gets some things in life at such an early age. He gets that hanging out on a inflatable kayak with his dad on the lake feeds his soul more than having ten thousand birthday presents from all his friends...

...and that sometimes roasted marshmallows are as good as a birthday cake, because really, a number five candle doesn't hold a flame to a huge campfire (no pun intended):

While he spent most of his free time doing this,

Miss Belle was found doing this. Not even the woods will keep this girl from her purse and babydoll.

And Baby Jules quietly fell into the background of it all, going with the flow as always.

And on our last day right before we left, he caught his first one of these:  

And hasn't really stopped talking about it since.

Peanut,

You are an incredible young boy and I am so excited to see the man you become. You are loving every moment of life these days and are always willing to go into the world and explore. You are funny, honest and think about some questions and ideas in life that some thirty year olds don't . You are always trying to be better and love Jesus more, even at your young age. You are a great big brother and an even better son. I am blessed to be your mom. We love you!

Mommy

The Heart of The Family

The world weighs heavy on my heart these days. With everything going on in the news and seeing people's responses to the world right now, I feel that we are in a huge boiling pot that is about to explode.

I have talked to other stay at home moms with a struggle I deal with often. The struggle to want to do more. To take our children out into the world and convert the nations. I daydream sometimes about standing on a podium like Martin Luther King Jr. and giving a speech that will change hearts and save lives. I look back on the days when I was able teach confirmation, work with Rachel's Vineyard and pray on the sidewalks at the abortion mill. The days when saying the rosary was easy and going to daily mass was a habit. The days when I could lay down at the end of the day and feel good about what I did.

Here is where the voice of Satan comes in to tell me that being a mom isn't enough. That I should still be doing all the things I used to at the cost of raising my children. But the voice of God whispers in my heart, "Being a mom is enough. Raise the future and do it well." As as stay at home mom, we don't always get to reap the benefits of our work at the end of each day. Some days (most days?), I go to bed feeling inadequate for this job and wondering if all the naps, snacks, endless questions and endless mess really matters. I don't think Mother's really reap their rewards until her children are safe with them in heaven, which requires a lot of patience, self-sacrifice and focus on one's vocation.

But how do I get there? How do I raise a future of saints? If my children hear me talk of self-control often, but then see me down a quart of ice cream in one sitting, what is that teaching them? If I try and teach them to be kind to one another, but myself yell at them several times a day, will they trust what I am saying is even important? In parenting, talk is cheap and I do a lot of talking. If I want my kids to be virtuous I must first live these virtues in our home. As a mom, it's really easy to make excuses. Excuses about why I am not being the best mother I could. Excuses about why I lose my temper or can't get anything done. And while it is true that being a stay at home mom to 3 littles is very challenging, most of the excuses I come up with are a result of my laziness or my lack of focus on the goal; namely heaven. It is only when I give my day completely to God and rely solely on his grace to help me be a good mom that I can lay down at the end of the day and be proud of what was accomplished.

I have seen in recent weeks a huge trend in my family. If I am calm and kind, my children are calm and kind (and my husband too). If I am short-tempered, tired and grumpy the kids go nuts and my husband's temper is shortened as well. It is said that the mother is the heart of the family. If the heart is restless the entire body reacts. If the hearts beats slowly, predictably and in the rhythm God created it to, life and peace will flow from it.

I don't want to regret my children's young years. I don't want to look back and wish I had been nicer and wish I had done something differently. Every day matters because every day is a gift from God. I pray for the grace to be the woman and the mother that He created me to be and to live each day to the fullest.