Turning Two

My son turned two yesterday. Two years old. How could it have gone by so fast? My husband and I stayed up late talking in bed the night before his birthday, "Do you remember how scared I was to have a c-section? Remember how cute he was when we saw him for the first time?

"Remember how tiny he was? How you could place your hand on his back and it would cover his whole body? How when you burped him, it felt like he might break?"

"Do you remember how we used to have to feed him with a syringe because he didn't have enough fat in his cheeks to latch on?"

"Do you remember how well he used to fit in your arms?"

"Do you remember when he first started sitting, and first started walking?"

"He is such a good little boy", my husband commented. I then started talking about how we should probably move him out of his crib and into a big bed. And then I started sobbing and saying, "no, no he has to stay in his crib! If he moves to a big bed, that means he isn't a baby anymore! That means he is all grown up and it's all over, and I'm not ready for him not to be a baby anymore."

And then I cried. And cried. And cried.

Tonight I mourn the loss of a baby and look forward to getting to know a little boy. Son, you have brought more joy to my life than you will ever know. You are my heart.

I love you,
Mama