I never really understood that verse fully until I became part of the military family. Lately, it seems the Lord has done a lot more taking than giving. I feel as though He is stripping me from all comforts, all companions at this time in life.
I haven't made many friends in my short time in Oklahoma. I am somewhere in between an extrovert and introvert. I'm not the type that just goes up to someone and tells them my life story, but will definitely talk if someone initiates. In the past years, I have grown tired of "becoming friends" with people who I can't talk to about real issues (i.e. my faith) and have to keep my mouth shut around. This has been a big part of my lack of friends in this area. I have, however, made two very good friends while I have been here. The kind who go through life with you. The kind you can call just because your day has been really crappy. The kind that you can share a little piece of your soul with.
The Lord, in his wisdom, has decided to take both these people away from me at around the same time. As my husband talks of future deployment and both my true friends start preparing for their new life, I am left here. Alone. I don't fear many things, but to be completely and totally honest, I fear loneliness. One of these friends once prayed so beautifully, "Don't give me family, O God, but make me an orphan. So that in my lonliness, I may learn to turn to You for comfort." I wish I could pray these words with sincerity. What I really want to say is, "Why Lord? Why do you take them from me? Humans need companionship like they need air. Are you sure you know what you are doing?"
The military is a funny thing in that, whatever friends you make, you know with certainty you will have to say goodbye to them. It's like this constant, dreary, anxious cloud that hangs over your head, knowing these people, this life you have made in this city, will be incredibly short lived. Right when you feel rooted somewhere, those roots are pulled from under you. I do trust the Lord, though. I do. I may not understand His reasons, but I trust them. He will take care of me. In my loneliness and search for new friends, He will be my companion and guide. If I can not be rooted in a permanent home, I will have to root myself deep in Him.
Alive not Dead: an Adventure through Life
9 years ago
Oh Drea, I love you, friend. I WILL go through life with you, even if we aren't in the same place. God brought us together for a reason. We have learned so much from each other and have grown together. We have learned the true meaning of motherhood and being wives (of engineers, no less) together. Maybe it's His purpose to have us together for 3-4 years only, and then send us out to encourage and inspire others in the way we have done with each other. But maybe not. Maybe we'll find ways to see each other even when we're not stationed at the same base or settled down in the same state. The ONLY hesitations/dislike of Colin maybe getting this job is leaving our best friends. We aren't in any hurry to leave you, as excited as we may seem about the job. Think of how much our friendship blossomed in the year since you have gotten back from NM. We have at least one more year left. It will be great. And btw, you are more friendly and outgoing than you think, as proven at the zoo when you were chatting up everyone in sight! You will make more friends. And the few people who really get to know you, REALLY like you. :)
ReplyDeleteDrea, my heart ached when I read this post. I know I would feel the exact same way if I was in your situation.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that God will surprise you and bring a new friend into your life at just the perfect time. He has done this for me so many times over the years! I will keep you in my prayers!
Lizzy, I thank God so much we have each other! You are an awesome little beanhead! I went to give you words of wisdom and realized you have given them to me! Thank-you for that! I love you!
ReplyDeleteThat does sound tremendously difficult. It is easy to say we will trust in God when everything is going our way. How much harder it is to trust Him when things are not going our way! But I think that your faith is strong, and you have the right attitude about it. Sacrificing for the Lord, at least, has purpose and meaning behind it. And think - there are still so many good things yet to come! Look forward to them with optimist and sunny days will be here again before you know it. :)
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