I never really understood that verse fully until I became part of the military family. Lately, it seems the Lord has done a lot more taking than giving. I feel as though He is stripping me from all comforts, all companions at this time in life.
I haven't made many friends in my short time in Oklahoma. I am somewhere in between an extrovert and introvert. I'm not the type that just goes up to someone and tells them my life story, but will definitely talk if someone initiates. In the past years, I have grown tired of "becoming friends" with people who I can't talk to about real issues (i.e. my faith) and have to keep my mouth shut around. This has been a big part of my lack of friends in this area. I have, however, made two very good friends while I have been here. The kind who go through life with you. The kind you can call just because your day has been really crappy. The kind that you can share a little piece of your soul with.
The Lord, in his wisdom, has decided to take both these people away from me at around the same time. As my husband talks of future deployment and both my true friends start preparing for their new life, I am left here. Alone. I don't fear many things, but to be completely and totally honest, I fear loneliness. One of these friends once prayed so beautifully, "Don't give me family, O God, but make me an orphan. So that in my lonliness, I may learn to turn to You for comfort." I wish I could pray these words with sincerity. What I really want to say is, "Why Lord? Why do you take them from me? Humans need companionship like they need air. Are you sure you know what you are doing?"
The military is a funny thing in that, whatever friends you make, you know with certainty you will have to say goodbye to them. It's like this constant, dreary, anxious cloud that hangs over your head, knowing these people, this life you have made in this city, will be incredibly short lived. Right when you feel rooted somewhere, those roots are pulled from under you. I do trust the Lord, though. I do. I may not understand His reasons, but I trust them. He will take care of me. In my loneliness and search for new friends, He will be my companion and guide. If I can not be rooted in a permanent home, I will have to root myself deep in Him.
Alive not Dead: an Adventure through Life
2 years ago