Today is a bittersweet day for me. Today is the day I would have graduated college had I chosen to stay in New Mexico and not gotten married. For most people it seems that somehow getting educated goes right along with their vocation. For me, it did not. With a husband three years older than me, graduating college and moving away on military orders I was only left with two choices: marry the man I thought God called me to marry and move away with him, or stay in my hometown for the tree short semesters I had left and finish school. Of course, the world told me to finish school, but I chose marriage. I could have finished school wherever we moved, but my husband and I were pregnant within the first weeks of our marriage, and the online classes I was taking in an attempt to stay in school on the road didn't jive with a newborn.
When you are young and in school, your life is mapped out for you. You will go to elementary, you will go to middle and high school, you will go to college and then go get a masters or doctorate. Only after all this has been done is it ok to consider marriage and children in the world's eyes. But God had other plans for me than the world did. And I still catch hell for choosing God's plans every day. "What will you do if something happens to your husband?" I am asked this question so often when people find out that I'm not in school. God will take care of me. "Don't you miss it?" is another one I get. The answer to this is simply, yes. I love school, and I was really really good at it. It wasn't an easy thing to give up, especially when you are the former highschooler who was in all the advanced classes and was just expected to be there on graduation day. I'll go back someday; but I have promised myself that someday will be a day when I feel my children are not suffering or missing out on something because of my desires to go to school.
Today all my childhood friends will walk onto a huge stage in front of thousands of people and recieve a diploma. Their names will be called and their families will cheer in proud adoration of their children who worked so hard for this day. They will hug and talk about what a long road it's been, but that it's finally done with. I will spend today nursing a young baby, changing diapers and singing the ABC's. I will not hug friends, but rather the small bodies of my children. My name will be called in the form of a newborn cry, or the sweet sound of my son screaming "MAMA!". My friends will hold diplomas, but I will hold immortal souls. And I wouldn't give that up for the world.
So Congratulations class of 2010. May you find as much joy in today as I will, and may you find God's will for your life in the future.
Alive not Dead: an Adventure through Life
1 year ago