Tuesday, March 30, 2010


I think I got gypped in the gene pool. Most women I know seem to have some sort of "nesting gene" that kicks in their last trimester of pregnancy, and I just don't seem to have it. When I was told at 38 weeks that my son had to be taken via c-section that night, I asked the doctor if I had time to go home, build a crib, get a car seat ready and pack my bags. I was dead serious. He, on the other hand, was less than impressed and said I needed to go straight to the hospital (I went home anyways...yes, I wanted my make-up that bad). Now, granted, a c-section is not a natural delivery and maybe I would have started nesting the very next day; but I have a feeling I would have waited till I was in active labor to pack those bags.

Our First Family Photo

Here I sit today, nearly 38 weeks pregnant. That's one week past what doctors consider "full term". I don't expect to go into labor early, but the truth is I could. So what does it look like this time around? My suitcase is empty, our infant car seat is in pieces on my son's floor, my house is a mess and our camera is out of memory and probably needs a new set of batteries. My dear friend asks me every time I see her, "have you packed your bags?" and my answer is always the same, "not yet". My actions, or lack there of, have really made me wonder, why don't I want to pack my bag?

I hate change, and nothing brings more change than adding a whole new person to your family. I remember leaving for the hospital to have my son and taking one last look around my house. As I stood there for one last moment with tears running down my face, I quietly said to myself, "Goodbye house, goodbye life." My husband, full of excitement, couldn't understand why I was crying, or why I was sad on what was going to be the happiest day of our life. But the truth is, goodbyes are always sad for me, and I needed to say goodbye to the life I had with just my husband and me. I knew the moment I walked out that door, I could never ever return to that life.

Moments Before Delivery of My Son

I love my life now, and I know I will love it when my sweet daughter arrives. But until then, I am trying to savor every moment I have with our family of three. I have spent every day of the last 18 months of my life caring for, playing with, and enjoying my son. It has, for the most part, been just him and me through the great days and the hard ones. But that will all change soon, and it went so so fast. And maybe if I don't pack those bags, I can hold on for just a moment longer before it's gone forever. I have been praying these last few days as I watch my son play, or I toss a ball back and forth with him, "God, just let me have this moment. Imprint it in my mind so I'll always remember this part of my life and how wonderful and short it was. Don't let me take this for granted."

 My husband and son reading together.

In a few weeks (or maybe even days) my entire life will change for the better. I will get used to a new life and new tiny, beautiful person around. Our sweet daughter will fit right in, and we won't be able to imagine life without her. Our loving Father allows this to happen by nature (whether you have a nesting gene or not) and I am so thankful for it. But until the day she arrives, I will savior every moment of life as I know it now.


  1. Such a joyful and sad post at the same time! I'm crying right now, those pictures and your words made me truly ache to be around your family. It's too short, and it sucks we can't be closer to each other.

    I love you. Also, I love "your son". I vote we give him an online alias.

  2. Beautiful post. But seriously, you NEED me to come home. :) I'm perfectly okay with the fact that you haven't packed your bags yet though, because we can't give that little girl any motivation to come early. Miss you!

  3. I never pack until the very last second when I rush through the house throwing things in a bag while I'm in labor. Buy the car seat and put it in the car. Everything else can wait until you're ready. Just my $.02