There are some big changes happening in our family right now. As if having a baby and getting a massive blood clot in one year wasn't enough, we have also decided to leave the Air Force. This decision didn't come lightly and we had discussed it long before the baby or the clot. If we were staying in the Air Force, we would be moving in February of 2016, so moving was in our future regardless.
Once the decision was made to get out of the Air Force, the next step was for Max to find a job. So we prayed, and we prayed hard. We prayed that God's will would be done in everything. We prayed that He would open doors that needed to be opened and close doors that needed to be closed. Max applied for jobs locally and afar. He is a very smart man: an engineer with a good career. He is very hire-able. With all those applications, only one door was opened. Some of the other doors were blatantly closed in our faces. The door that was opened with perfect ease was for Max's dream job back in Oklahoma City. Even though staying here would have been much easier. I wasn't convinced that the ease of staying made it the right choice. I struggled for a very long time at the thought of leaving family and friends that have become so dear to us, especially in these difficult times. I loathed the thought of all the work that has to be done to sell this house and I cried at thinking of leaving the place where two of our children have been born.
Then, one day, my kids taught me a very good lesson and I was reminded once again why Christ calls us to be child-like. I started telling my kids we might move to Oklahoma and expected high emotions from all of them. Instead they asked a simple question, "will all of us go to Oklahoma?" When the answer was of course, yes, they were perfectly fine with the idea and even started to get excited about the new adventure. Even since that day, they will have momentary sadness about someone they will miss, but in general, all they care about is that Mommy and Daddy are going with them. They trust that we are making a good choice for our family and that we won't leave them.
That got me thinking: I pray for doors to be opened and closed. I pray for God's will to be done and for right decisions to be made. But when that decision is clear, and is the harder of the choices, do I actually trust that God's hand was in it all? Because if I do, then my only response can be the same one my children had. "Ok God, I will go because I trust you know what's best and no matter what, you will stay by my side. And that's all that matters, no matter how much it will hurt to leave family, friends and this house. Are you coming with us God? Yes? Well then o.k. I'll go."
When I got sick, I was stripped of everything. When the talk of moving was coming around, I heard God whisper in my heart, "Don't be attached to anything but me. Not even the place you live. Have I not taken care of you thus far?" I thought that God was done (at least for the present moment) breaking down walls and that new ones were on their way up. But I see now, that even though I am healed from the clot, there is still more He wants to break down, more that needs to be stripped away. And as hard as it is, I KNOW that He is doing this all out of love for me and in answer to my most fervent prayer: that I would be the woman He has created me to be.
In the end we accepted the job in Oklahoma and will be moving in January. There is a lot of work ahead of us in the next few months, and a new life to start in Oklahoma. By the great trusting example my kids have given to me, I pray that the only words on my heart and lips may be, "Jesus, I trust in You".
Alive not Dead: an Adventure through Life
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