Not Finding Out

Since people seem to have a life of death opinion on the subject I want to write about, I suppose I should start this post with a disclaimer: this is my opinion and my feelings on the matter. It doesn't mean I don't respect yours if they are different.

This is the first pregnancy we have not found out the sex of the baby before he/she is born. I made a promise to my husband that if we could just find out with Miss Belle, I would wait to find out with our third. And I have. Nearly 37 long weeks. And I don't like it one bit, really. I can't imagine (and I reserve my right to take this back after the birth) that the one moment of finding out the sex of your child, can be worth the 40 weeks of not knowing. It's not because I'm dying to know, or because I want to pull out clothes or am just being impatient. It's because I want to call this baby by name. I want to pray for him/her by name and offer up all these sufferings with a name. This baby is already a boy or a girl and has been since conception, and this whole surprise ending thing seems kind of silly to me. I know they used to do it in the old days, but if one wants to make the argument that we should do things the old fashioned way, then maybe they should start by birthing the old fashioned way. Seems more important to me than finding out the sex or not. But I made a promise to my husband and I'm keeping it.

I remember laboring with Miss Belle and talking to her by name the whole time, telling her we were in this together and knowing that a tiny girl was on her way. A girl I felt like I already knew. I also remember how incredibly overwhelming one feels after having a natural delivery and finding out the sex of the child right at that moment of utter euphoria seems a bit crazy as well. I will be honest in saying I have felt the whole pregnancy that this is boy, but many times people are wrong. So every time I go to say "he" I have to say "or she" and every time I try and picture holding this tiny, I can't fully do it because I feel bad if I picture one sex or the other. The worst is when the baby gets called an "it". Ugh. I wonder how long we will call him/her "the baby" after he/she is born (see how annoying that he/she thing is?!?!).

I know many people love the surprise ending and that's great, but I really don't think it's for me. Surprisingly, at nearly 37 weeks I'm feeling better than I have the entire pregnancy. Thanks be to God. If you are still reading, please continue to pray for a safe and natural delivery of this baby.